Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The day I fell in love...

I have to admit I have been a bit of a whiner this last week or two.

Up until this point I have been able to avoid most of the fun-pregnancy-related things that have afflicted my previous pregnancies. That is until about two weeks ago.  This last few weeks have brought on a wealth of fatigue, heartburn, nausea, swollen feet, stretchy joints, carpal tunnel and sleeplessness...need I go on?

My illogical pregnant mind fears that this might literally go on forever and suddenly a couple of weeks seem like unconquerable years. 

My ideal delivery would include a set induction date ( a week early?) with the anesthesiologist waiting in my hospital room. None of this water-breaking-at-home with a mad frantic dash to the hospital in excruciating pain. (We've done that twice...)  But I fear it is not to be.  

It seems I have the pregnancy version of the Plague. I am a VBAC.  (vaginal birth after cesarean) I have had two normal deliveries since Austin's large, posterior head and a failed forceps attempt forced a surgical delivery more than 11 years ago.  But still there is some increased risk of C-section if we induce labor. But not inducing labor increases the chance (and my worry) that I will have a giant baby and have to repeat the difficult labor that ends in the OR... So I wait and worry.

For some reason it has been hard to remember how much we have wanted and anticipated and looked forward to this little one...

So it was in this state of mind that I went to an ultrasound to check the size of the baby on Friday at 37 1/2 weeks.

Here's what we saw.

Instantly all my worries and complaints vanished.  I mean instantly.  My heart just wanted to burst with love the minute I was his little face. How could I have ever complained about carrying and sustaining the life of this cute little bundle?!

In that room I felt a rush of peace and calmness.  This little (7 lbs. 14 oz. !!) boy is worth any amount of discomfort.  Suddenly waiting a couple of weeks doesn't seem like such a big deal.  Not when I know what is to come.


Corine said...

That just made me a little emotional. Selfless perspective is everything, isn't it? :) happy for you.
Corine :D

Juli said...

It looks like him!